Would you even noticed when I'm gone?

The month of may is definitely not the best month for me. I've been having so much worries and stress from all sides and it's affecting me rather much.

Work, friends, relationship and every other things has not been running smooth for me this month. For a moment, I'm reflecting if the root of the cause if from me, my character? I really don't know. People have been giving me advices and lent me their listening ears, but it seems to be the same after all. Maybe I should really reflect myself..

Friends, betrayal, gossiping, backstabbing, badmouthing etc. I got enough. I don't need those friends to be with me. I wondered what's wrong, is it because I believe on people easily? Or am I an easy target? I'm nice to people and friends, and that's what I gained back in return? No thanks, I rather don't. Perhaps "M" was right, I shouldn't give them anymore chances, and shouldn't put in too much effort on them anymore. They just won't repay me in the end. I should be more firm, and I'm learning to become one. I got enough of all these nonsense, I should really put a stop to all these, before it really affects me and my career..

Work, looking back at what I've done for the past month, I'm really not satisfied. I really didn't put in my effort to do my best. I can't continue to stay this forever. Its time for me to manage my time well and get back on track. I need to work even harder from now on. I need to support my family, I need to support myself, and all my pending bills. This can't go on! I got enough of limited cash, perhaps I should really take up more assignments to do. This month is definitely the worst month. My bank account is at risk, I got to feed myself with bread till I got my next pay, when would that be?

Family, ever since I moved back to my own place, I've been hearing my daddy nagging at me every single day, without fail. He would always ask me the same old questions, until I'm really scared to step out of my room. I know he meant me well, I know what he wants from me. I'm sorry daddy, I don't mean to pull on that face everyday, I know it hurts you to see me in this state. Give me some more time to fulfill what you wanted alright? I really wanted to chat with you, spend more time with you, but the moment you starts nagging at me, I just simply can't take it. :(

Relationship, I got nothing to say, or rather, I can't say anything out. I've got tons of things bottling up in my heart, and I really wish to share with someone. But whose there for me? Who can I really trust? I have my troubles, I've my stress, I've got millions of things to say, but I can't. I might be bursting very soon if this continues.. *sigh*

Somehow, my senses tells me something went wrong somewhere. It's never fail to be true.. I'm afraid of those happening, but how can I prevent it from happening? My heart has been feeling really uneasy these days. Please, someone enlighten me please? :(

I'm dying to unwind myself from these things. I've been wanting to go to some places to release myself from those stresses, I want to go Marina Barrage, I want to go to beaches, I want to get out of the country for a little while to really relax myself! I miss the sound of the seas, the whisper of the winds, the water caressing  me, the grasses which makes me feel refreshes, the flowers that makes me smile, your smile, your laughter, and everything. When can it happen again?

Ps: Is it me or are we really drifting away? You seems to be neglecting and ignoring me these days. I'm feeling really sad and unhappy. Please tell me everything is fine. Please tell me that my worries are unreal. Please tell me that you really love me please? Or please tell me what I can do to savage back everything?

I'm really upset. REALLY upset. This is just not the usual me. Its just simply not me anymore. I hate this feeling. I really don't. :(

♥ Michelle N. 한국어 ♥

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